Most of us…once in a life face the situation…that how can they save their relationship with their loved one..!!??? Aren’t we…???
In every relationship…two major aspects play major role. One is Want (expectation) and another one is curiosity (looking for surprises). When you look for beyond need, is called want. When you just want to try something for the sake of having an experience is called curiosity.
Want and curiosity don’t have any end. So the question is do we need to draw the line somewhere??
An incident that I heard, makes me very confused about need of any line in a relationship. Before this incident I always believe that there should be a line that we don’t have to cross for the sake of our relationship. But know after hearing one of my friend…my mind is surrounded by lots of questions….and I am finding a solution for it in the trap of relationship theory.
One of my friend is happily married (I have thought of) and it has been nine lovely years.
One day I came to know that she is having an extramarital affair..!!!! And I was shocked..!!! Because I know her since my childhood….my mind is never ready to accept this kind of incident from my close friend.
I met her and asked her why you are doing so??? You both are the inspiration for other couples. If there is a problem….there would be solution….and I asked her that things can be worked out….please draw a line.
She told me that, “I have always wondered, why to draw a line?? Why can’t I look forward to fulfilling all my needs, all my wants and all my curiosities? What is the harm in doing so? After all, I have got only one life. Why not live it to the fullest?”
I directly asked her that, “do you have some morals or ethics in your life…?”
She said yes, but they are subjective in nature. One person’s right can be another person’s wrong. It depends how you interpret it. She said the problem is our perception of constraints in a marriage. It is very nature of the forbidden to appear sweet. It pains me to confine in a boundary. Why does a relationship tie a couple down and not set them free?? Why within a marriage do you have to compromise with your freedom that you used to cherish before getting married? Isn’t it suffocating that you could do so much before marriage, but not after getting married???
I asked her that if you loved your freedom so much than why got married??
She replied, I want marriage as well. I denounce the restrictive aspect of it and embrace the joy it brings. I want to enjoy the essence of a married life as much as I want to retain my freedom. I want to live my life with someone, grow old, with that someone…and have my kids with that someone. After a day’s work I want to come back home to someone and share my every day with him. I want all of that.
I must admit she is very honest and somehow she puts me in a situation where I would like to think by being her side.
But still…again I return back to my old theories and request her that if there is a problem, it can be worked out.
She calmly replied, “what if it can’t be worked out? What if it is not humanly possible to do so??
She continued our conversation by adding that, “I want him to take care of me like my mom used to do, at times financially supports me as my father used to do, have fun with me like my sibling used to have, become my best friend so that I can share my secrets with him. I want him to give me all that my entire surrounding used to give me. Besides, I also want him to be my lover as well. I want him to become a part of my identity, complete my social status, comfort me, become my emotional support, understand me, love me, drive me wild in bed…..what is he……A Superman??? Even a superman as a partner would not fulfill my contradictory expectations. When I want him to be familiar and yes mysterious. How is possible that my life is for one person only?? Where do we fit ex-boyfriends and ex-husbands in case of break ups and divorces?? What do we do with that space? Leave it empty, after they leave? Why do you think that being with someone outside marriage while being married is a crime?? Am I criminal to you??
And I have no answers to her questions….I met her with so many doubts within me….and I want to justification of those doubts….but in return…her theory of relationship makes me helpless with so many doubts….I am talking to my inner self and looking for the justification of those doubts…. May be on some big day I could have answers to all her questions and I could be able to prove her that my theory of relationship has more justifying values than her…!!!