Theory of relationship…..

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Most of us…once in a life face the situation…that how can they save their relationship with their loved one..!!??? Aren’t we…???

In every relationship…two major aspects play major role. One is Want (expectation) and another one is curiosity (looking for surprises). When you look for beyond need, is called want. When you just want to try something for the sake of having an experience is called curiosity.

Want and curiosity don’t have any end. So the question is do we need to draw the line somewhere??

An incident that I heard, makes me very confused about need of any line in a relationship. Before this incident I always believe that there should be a line that we don’t have to cross for the sake of our relationship. But know after hearing one of my friend…my mind is surrounded by lots of questions….and I am finding a solution for it in the trap of relationship theory.

One of my friend is happily married (I have thought of) and it has been nine lovely years.

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One day I came to know that she is having an extramarital affair..!!!! And I was shocked..!!! Because I know her since my childhood….my mind is never ready to accept this kind of incident from my close friend.

I met her and asked her why you are doing so??? You both are the inspiration for other couples. If there is a problem….there would be solution….and I asked her that things can be worked out….please draw a line.

She told me that, “I have always wondered, why to draw a line?? Why can’t I look forward to fulfilling all my needs, all my wants and all my curiosities? What is the harm in doing so? After all, I have got only one life. Why not live it to the fullest?”

I directly asked her that, “do you have some morals or ethics in your life…?”
She said yes, but they are subjective in nature. One person’s right can be another person’s wrong. It depends how you interpret it. She said the problem is our perception of constraints in a marriage. It is very nature of the forbidden to appear sweet. It pains me to confine in a boundary. Why does a relationship tie a couple down and not set them free?? Why within a marriage do you have to compromise with your freedom that you used to cherish before getting married? Isn’t it suffocating that you could do so much before marriage, but not after getting married???

I asked her that if you loved your freedom so much than why got married??
She replied, I want marriage as well. I denounce the restrictive aspect of it and embrace the joy it brings. I want to enjoy the essence of a married life as much as I want to retain my freedom. I want to live my life with someone, grow old, with that someone…and have my kids with that someone. After a day’s work I want to come back home to someone and share my every day with him. I want all of that.

I must admit she is very honest and somehow she puts me in a situation where I would like to think by being her side.

But still…again I return back to my old theories and request her that if there is a problem, it can be worked out.

She calmly replied, “what if it can’t be worked out? What if it is not humanly possible to do so??

She continued our conversation by adding that, “I want him to take care of me like my mom used to do, at times financially supports me as my father used to do, have fun with me like my sibling used to have, become my best friend so that I can share my secrets with him. I want him to give me all that my entire surrounding used to give me. Besides, I also want him to be my lover as well. I want him to become a part of my identity, complete my social status, comfort me, become my emotional support, understand me, love me, drive me wild in bed…..what is he……A Superman??? Even a superman as a partner would not fulfill my contradictory expectations. When I want him to be familiar and yes mysterious. How is possible that my life is for one person only?? Where do we fit ex-boyfriends and ex-husbands in case of break ups and divorces?? What do we do with that space? Leave it empty, after they leave? Why do you think that being with someone outside marriage while being married is a crime?? Am I criminal to you??

And I have no answers to her questions….I met her with so many doubts within me….and I want to justification of those doubts….but in return…her theory of relationship makes me helpless with so many doubts….I am talking to my inner self and looking for the justification of those doubts…. May be on some big day I could have answers to all her questions and I could be able to prove her that my theory of relationship has more justifying values than her…!!!


4 stages of never ending circle of life….

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In Bhagvad Gita, Lord Krishna had told Arjuna that our soul has to pass through 84,00,00,00 species in order to get a human body to live. Karma is considered to be so important in life — the amount of good deed you will do in life will decide what form of life you will be gifted in your next birth.

Since the birth till the end of our life…..that is graveyard….we are occupied with the series of Karmas…which I think would be the 5 stages of never ending circle of life. Even better I can say it like since the birth we are occupied with the chain of Karmas and rituals …..In the race of karma….even if a human is lying on the verge of death……but his needs and goals will always be immortal. Our life is a vicious circle of needs and expectations.

1. Childhood :
In today’s world, most of the children are under the stress of studies and expectations of outer world.
You might be wondering:
Everything is predefined by their parents and the outer world….What to wear, how to behave, what to eat, how to eat, when to sleep, what to play, whom to talk, even which subject they have to pursue… there is no word like child’s own wish…..everything will be controlled by parents and sometimes with the burden of control, child would be out of control ,by the time the child attains an adulthood, he already has become a warrior and ready to fight with the outer world. Is that a price which a child has to pay in the name of Karma!!!???

2. Adulthood :
In this stage of life, a person tries to keep balance between his career and getting settled down in life. To achieve his goals in his professional life ……he tries everything from hard work to no family life, politics to buttering his superiors….but at the end …his goals remains unsatisfied. Human tendency is always to look into others life and believe that their life is more happy than their and in doing this they forget to enjoy their own life. At the end, they fail to satisfy themselves, this continues to go on and they forget to enjoy their adulthood.

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3. Parenthood :

The most challenging and happiest stage of a person is Parenthood. In this stage a person enjoys mix feelings, sometimes parents feel that they have make a wrong decision of being parent and most of the time they enjoy with their child by regenerating their own childhood. But in today’s life it is very difficult to make balance between career and child’s upbringing. Sometimes parents fails to give some quality time to their child which psychological affects the child.

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4. Elder- hood :

In this stage , a person is more or less retired by most of his responsibilities and now he thinks that he could try to attain all his dreams which he could not have enjoyed because of his karma responsibilities in the previous stages. But due to extra stress which he had suffered from attaining the goals of previous stages, his body is not supporting him. Now he is caged by so many health issues so that he can no eat what he wants to eat, he cannot, climb the mountains, travel, some of his friends are not there to accompany him….so more or less he be alone at this stage and thinks about what he has achieved in life and this states that he is still not satisfied with the life.

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So this is the never ending circle of life. We all are caged in the act of Karma and in achieving that we forget to live our life and at the end when we have nothing, we think what the purpose of our life…is!!!!! And what we have achieved …but it does not that life is miserable, live your life at fullest, enjoy every second of your life…..don’t wait to celebrate big moments…..enjoy every small moments with your loved one….your family and friends… that ….at the end ….you never regret about your life.